5.21.13
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emotions are running high. i went to a church retreat this past weekend and i must have been reformatted completely because i’m  not operating in the same way i was just a few days prior. i mean, one (or two or three or four) encounters with the manifest presence of God can really shake a person up, right? i cannot fully make sense of myself right now and it makes me a little uneasy, but, I am more hungry, more in love, and so much more desperate for his presence than i have ever been before. I didn’t know that the fear of rejection was as much of a stronghold as it was, and now that I’ve been set free, the drive, the motives of my decisions, the way i spend my time, and even the desires of my heart…they are sieved. i’m either going to be acting very much not like myself, or, very much like myself the way god intended me to be, i don’t know. these next few days are going to be very interesting as i keep surprising myself.  “And he believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness.” -Genesis 15:6

emotions are running high. i went to a church retreat this past weekend and i must have been reformatted completely because i’m  not operating in the same way i was just a few days prior. i mean, one (or two or three or four) encounters with the manifest presence of God can really shake a person up, right? i cannot fully make sense of myself right now and it makes me a little uneasy, but, I am more hungry, more in love, and so much more desperate for his presence than i have ever been before. I didn’t know that the fear of rejection was as much of a stronghold as it was, and now that I’ve been set free, the drive, the motives of my decisions, the way i spend my time, and even the desires of my heart…they are sieved. i’m either going to be acting very much not like myself, or, very much like myself the way god intended me to be, i don’t know. these next few days are going to be very interesting as i keep surprising myself. 

“And he believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness.” -Genesis 15:6

3.17.13
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life lessons: “live before an audience of one.” we all know that our function is not our identity and that our value comes from the One who gave us life, yet one too many times we allow people to weigh our worth  based on how well we function. when we don’t do well or when we make mistakes, for some people, like myself, it makes the concept of grace so much harder to grasp. understanding who our audience is and shifting to a place where God’s judgement is the only one authorized is so key in living a bold and successful life. it frees us by pruning away all unnecessary burdens of peoples’ expectations and evaluations as well as our own tiring propensity to thirst after the counterfeit approval of man.  It narrows our focus to the only thing that essentially matters—the applause of God. In this season, if there’s one thing i really want to get down solid, it’s to live before God, make Him the focus and driving motivation of my functions, and do my very best for Him. mmmm. i think things will be looking very different from here on out.

life lessons: “live before an audience of one.” we all know that our function is not our identity and that our value comes from the One who gave us life, yet one too many times we allow people to weigh our worth  based on how well we function. when we don’t do well or when we make mistakes, for some people, like myself, it makes the concept of grace so much harder to grasp.

understanding who our audience is and shifting to a place where God’s judgement is the only one authorized is so key in living a bold and successful life. it frees us by pruning away all unnecessary burdens of peoples’ expectations and evaluations as well as our own tiring propensity to thirst after the counterfeit approval of man.  It narrows our focus to the only thing that essentially matters—the applause of God. In this season, if there’s one thing i really want to get down solid, it’s to live before God, make Him the focus and driving motivation of my functions, and do my very best for Him. mmmm. i think things will be looking very different from here on out.

2.21.13
1 note
“ When God gives you a new level of responsibility and new experiences it always comes with a bit of fear because we have never done it before! But going through it and facing the fear first hand is the only way to get through! remember God is in you and ready to shine through you to these students! You are more then capable!! Why? Because you were already chosen! Love you! ”
— miriam cowen. this is why i love my best friends. I was having an anxiety attack yesterday while feeling overwhelmed about this next chapter of my life (all sorts of feelings of inadequacies, frustration with the language, and confidence struggles) and my friend put it into perspective so well. 
2.17.13
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thank you jon thurlow for sustaining me for the past two days. the upbeat part sounded a lil corny at first (keith green! haha) but it’s become my favorite part to the song! minus the piano c:

2.12.13
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my destiny is already set.  somebody came up to me the other day and eased my uncertainties with this encouraging truth! as hard as it is for me to admit, sometimes I find myself struggling with what I don’t have, where I’m not, and the places others get to go as i wrestle with this ugly thing called coveting while frantically scheming up ways to make my life work. so many people weigh success by what they’ve accomplished, who they know and where they’re at. it seems that achievements bring satisfaction because people can then bestow entitlement upon themselves to boast. glamorous at first, but emptying in the end and what is success if there is no peace?  i understand that god is leading my life in a path that automatically reaps success, a road of ultimate fulfillment, and what a relief it is that i never have to strive. ever. i’m also slowly starting to understand what a life of true prosperity looks like—how it’s not so much about my needs as it is about others, and how much more fulfilling is a life that is focused on things that weigh heavy in eternal value. in my mornings when i’m home alone i get to indulge in his presence and in my late night hours at the hakwon i get to release what’s been poured onto me. while the schedule is not all so ideal, i choose to embrace this season of my life and live my upmost for his highest, because at the end of each day, while many toss and turn in emptiness and dissatisfaction, i get to close my eyes with peace and start each beautiful morning with hope anew. lead me, and i will follow you.

my destiny is already set.  somebody came up to me the other day and eased my uncertainties with this encouraging truth! as hard as it is for me to admit, sometimes I find myself struggling with what I don’t have, where I’m not, and the places others get to go as i wrestle with this ugly thing called coveting while frantically scheming up ways to make my life work. so many people weigh success by what they’ve accomplished, who they know and where they’re at. it seems that achievements bring satisfaction because people can then bestow entitlement upon themselves to boast. glamorous at first, but emptying in the end and what is success if there is no peace? 

i understand that god is leading my life in a path that automatically reaps success, a road of ultimate fulfillment, and what a relief it is that i never have to strive. ever. i’m also slowly starting to understand what a life of true prosperity looks like—how it’s not so much about my needs as it is about others, and how much more fulfilling is a life that is focused on things that weigh heavy in eternal value. in my mornings when i’m home alone i get to indulge in his presence and in my late night hours at the hakwon i get to release what’s been poured onto me. while the schedule is not all so ideal, i choose to embrace this season of my life and live my upmost for his highest, because at the end of each day, while many toss and turn in emptiness and dissatisfaction, i get to close my eyes with peace and start each beautiful morning with hope anew. lead me, and i will follow you.

2.02.13
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health talk. so a few weeks ago, my roommate and I went to Costco for our once-in-a-while jumbo food hauls. i have a lot to say about the healthy food selection here in Seoul (not so happy about the variety and the prices) but i’ll have to leave that for another post.

as some may or may not know, i’ve taken upon a new diet regime, also known as “clean eating” (shout out to diddy, cass and all other clean-eaters! holla) so all of my purchases that day were super healthy, organic, and unprocessed to say the least. coming home and reviewing my items though, made me feel super depressed because everything looked so ridunkulously unappetizing for all the money i had paid!

this cereal—heritage flakes— in particular was a huge disappointment at first. it literally tasted like shredded cardboard with milk! twelve dollars for two boxes of organic scrap?! what a waste i thought! but intent to make the most out of my purchase, i decided to add some sliced bananas and dried unsweetened cranberries with a drizzle of honey…and wabam! I had myself a scrumptious, healthy breakfast cereal. this was one of the many foods that i got to mess around with, starting with a seemingly good-for-nothing pick up and creating what i consider, a desirable dish. i realized that there’s so much you can do with salads, chicken breasts, nuts and dried fruits that make eating clean so much more pleasurable than one would assume. one month in, and i find that a little creativity with meals can turn rabbit food salads and cardboard cereal in to quite a tasty treat! ya’ll should try it! more recipes and blurbs to come, so be on the lookout :)

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