10.26.13
I know I’m not aged and well-experienced to say much about life, but if there’s one thing I’d like to exhort to the big dreamers (whether your dreams are still dormant/unrecognized, or already manifest) it’s this: find yourself and know who you are. TADAA! It sounds like an obvious no-brainer huh? Maybe it’s even something ridiculously cliche, but I am convinced that it ought be our primary task.
This year, after months of what I call “walking through the wilderness,” I finally have entered the arena. I’m here, fighting my fight and making steady advancements to do the will that has been predestined for my life. A few slaps in the face every week, and I can’t say it’s smooth sailing or easy. I mean, if you’re unfortunate enough, you might find me shedding a tear (or few) in the Seoul subway or on my 5 minute walks home. It’s hard and my emotions go wild sometimes, but, my mind is coming around to grasp the fact that the baby steps I take each day are equipping me with greater strength, and taking me further than if I hadn’t stepped into the arena at all. 
This afternoon I was recounting all the moments of faithfulness, and I realized that God is so wise. It occurred to me that If He had allowed me to be where I am just a season sooner than I had been, the likelihood of me falling apart—10 out of 10. Let me put it like this—If I did not know who I was and what I was actually capable of, then there’s no way I could have possibly been sustained up till now. What felt like the wilderness to me just last year, was actually the path towards self-discovery and concretely patting down my identity on unshakable grounds. You might know who you think you are, and that might be subject to how you feel or what you appear to be doing in the present moment (which…may not always look too pretty, haha). But the truth of who we are, I realized, is drawn from our maker, and we can find it when we look in the words of life. Knowing that has got to be the first step towards any destiny, towards any dream. Once that’s set, I can’t say that the road gets easier per se, but I do think that it’s pretty fulfilling. The pockets of genuine joy I feel throughout the week (amidst my momentary breakdowns) along with the constant support I feel and the relationships I’ve garnered along the way makes it all very worth it. Find yourself, and know who you are. 

I know I’m not aged and well-experienced to say much about life, but if there’s one thing I’d like to exhort to the big dreamers (whether your dreams are still dormant/unrecognized, or already manifest) it’s this: find yourself and know who you are. TADAA! It sounds like an obvious no-brainer huh? Maybe it’s even something ridiculously cliche, but I am convinced that it ought be our primary task.

This year, after months of what I call “walking through the wilderness,” I finally have entered the arena. I’m here, fighting my fight and making steady advancements to do the will that has been predestined for my life. A few slaps in the face every week, and I can’t say it’s smooth sailing or easy. I mean, if you’re unfortunate enough, you might find me shedding a tear (or few) in the Seoul subway or on my 5 minute walks home. It’s hard and my emotions go wild sometimes, but, my mind is coming around to grasp the fact that the baby steps I take each day are equipping me with greater strength, and taking me further than if I hadn’t stepped into the arena at all. 

This afternoon I was recounting all the moments of faithfulness, and I realized that God is so wise. It occurred to me that If He had allowed me to be where I am just a season sooner than I had been, the likelihood of me falling apart—10 out of 10. Let me put it like this—If I did not know who I was and what I was actually capable of, then there’s no way I could have possibly been sustained up till now. What felt like the wilderness to me just last year, was actually the path towards self-discovery and concretely patting down my identity on unshakable grounds. You might know who you think you are, and that might be subject to how you feel or what you appear to be doing in the present moment (which…may not always look too pretty, haha). But the truth of who we are, I realized, is drawn from our maker, and we can find it when we look in the words of life. Knowing that has got to be the first step towards any destiny, towards any dream. Once that’s set, I can’t say that the road gets easier per se, but I do think that it’s pretty fulfilling. The pockets of genuine joy I feel throughout the week (amidst my momentary breakdowns) along with the constant support I feel and the relationships I’ve garnered along the way makes it all very worth it. Find yourself, and know who you are. 

9.24.13

I’d like everybody to think of a statement by Terence. The statement is: I am a human being, nothing human can be alien to me. If you can internalize at least portion of that, you will never be able to say of a criminal act “I couldn’t do that,” no matter how heinous a crime. If a human being did it, you have to say ”I have in me all the components that are in her, or in him. I intend to use my energies constructively as opposed to destructively.”

If you could do that about the negative, just think what you could do about the positive. If a human being dreams a great dream, dares to love somebody…If a human being dares to be Martin King, or Mahatma Gandhi, or Mother Teresa, or Malcolm X…If a human being dares to be bigger than the condition into which he or she was born, that means so can you. And so, you can try to stretch, stretch, stretch yourself so you can internalize,"I am a human being, nothing human can be alien to me. That’s one thing I’m learning. -Maya Angelou

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9.10.13
6:15pm, it’s raining, and i’m thinking about creativity. i didn’t realize that my potential and ability to create was so stunted by feelings of “not being good enough” since forever. Had I not been set free, all this creativity would have been neglected to death. 
One of the biggest creativity killers, i find, is this obstructive behavior/mentality/idea/whatever called comparison. Comparison is all about conformity and competition. According to dr. brene brown, ‘the comparison mandate becomes this crushing paradox of “fit in and stand out.” It’s not cultivate self-acceptance, belonging, and authenticity; it’s be just life everyone else but better.’ And that cripples innovation and originality more than anything else I know. It fuels unworthiness. As disgusted as I am by it, I am absolutely aware that it is a conscious choice not to fall into the tempting thoughts of self-comparison.
I’m also getting comfortable with the fact that I am not like anyone else, and I find myself becoming more and more accepting of “not fitting in.” Fitting in, I realized is assessing a situation and becoming what we need to be in order to be embraced. True belonging (which, cannot be used interchangeably with ‘fitting in’) happens when we are no one else but ourselves.
Creativity definitely requires a lot of boldness, courage and vulnerability—key words for mary koh’s current season—but it helps us stay mindful that what we bring to the platter is completely original and incomparable. I used to be so afraid of not being good enough, but, the ONLY unique contribution I will ever make in this lifetime is birthed through my creativity. And that, my friends, is worth the challenge. 

6:15pm, it’s raining, and i’m thinking about creativity. i didn’t realize that my potential and ability to create was so stunted by feelings of “not being good enough” since forever. Had I not been set free, all this creativity would have been neglected to death. 

One of the biggest creativity killers, i find, is this obstructive behavior/mentality/idea/whatever called comparison. Comparison is all about conformity and competition. According to dr. brene brown, ‘the comparison mandate becomes this crushing paradox of “fit in and stand out.” It’s not cultivate self-acceptance, belonging, and authenticity; it’s be just life everyone else but better.’ And that cripples innovation and originality more than anything else I know. It fuels unworthiness. As disgusted as I am by it, I am absolutely aware that it is a conscious choice not to fall into the tempting thoughts of self-comparison.

I’m also getting comfortable with the fact that I am not like anyone else, and I find myself becoming more and more accepting of “not fitting in.” Fitting in, I realized is assessing a situation and becoming what we need to be in order to be embraced. True belonging (which, cannot be used interchangeably with ‘fitting in’) happens when we are no one else but ourselves.

Creativity definitely requires a lot of boldness, courage and vulnerability—key words for mary koh’s current season—but it helps us stay mindful that what we bring to the platter is completely original and incomparable. I used to be so afraid of not being good enough, but, the ONLY unique contribution I will ever make in this lifetime is birthed through my creativity. And that, my friends, is worth the challenge. 

6.18.13

life lessons: patience is a virtue & good things come to those who wait. little lessons i’ve been learning this year in 2013, and a little confirmation from my orange hair color experience. it’s better to wait in patience and see things worked out than to impatiently strive to fix things. 

6.11.13
on obedience. consider that while gods ways might be completely contradictory to human reasoning, his requests are always well thought out. he considers our circumstances, he foresees what we may have to face, and amidst knowing fully the weight of his call, he extends to us an opportunity to exercise trust and step out in faith. and better yet, it is always for our good.
when we see and hear god through lenses that are molded by pain, trauma and confusion, we often don’t want anything to do with obedience. the enemy is so good at creating justifications that usher us towards forfeiting our weapons. i think wielding obedience is powerful. it requires faith and the surrender of our logic, but it always leads to straight paths, new levels, peace, and his promises fulfilled. being a person that sorta has to know the ins and outs of my steps, it brings me so much relief knowing that god thinks it all through! and i can actually let go! whew. feels reallll good.

on obedience. consider that while gods ways might be completely contradictory to human reasoning, his requests are always well thought out. he considers our circumstances, he foresees what we may have to face, and amidst knowing fully the weight of his call, he extends to us an opportunity to exercise trust and step out in faith. and better yet, it is always for our good.

when we see and hear god through lenses that are molded by pain, trauma and confusion, we often don’t want anything to do with obedience. the enemy is so good at creating justifications that usher us towards forfeiting our weapons. i think wielding obedience is powerful. it requires faith and the surrender of our logic, but it always leads to straight paths, new levels, peace, and his promises fulfilled. being a person that sorta has to know the ins and outs of my steps, it brings me so much relief knowing that god thinks it all through! and i can actually let go! whew. feels reallll good.

5.21.13
emotions are running high. i went to a church retreat this past weekend and i must have been reformatted completely because i’m  not operating in the same way i was just a few days prior. i mean, one (or two or three or four) encounters with the manifest presence of God can really shake a person up, right? i cannot fully make sense of myself right now and it makes me a little uneasy, but, I am more hungry, more in love, and so much more desperate for his presence than i have ever been before. I didn’t know that the fear of rejection was as much of a stronghold as it was, and now that I’ve been set free, the drive, the motives of my decisions, the way i spend my time, and even the desires of my heart…they are sieved. i’m either going to be acting very much not like myself, or, very much like myself the way god intended me to be, i don’t know. these next few days are going to be very interesting as i keep surprising myself. 
"And he believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness." -Genesis 15:6

emotions are running high. i went to a church retreat this past weekend and i must have been reformatted completely because i’m  not operating in the same way i was just a few days prior. i mean, one (or two or three or four) encounters with the manifest presence of God can really shake a person up, right? i cannot fully make sense of myself right now and it makes me a little uneasy, but, I am more hungry, more in love, and so much more desperate for his presence than i have ever been before. I didn’t know that the fear of rejection was as much of a stronghold as it was, and now that I’ve been set free, the drive, the motives of my decisions, the way i spend my time, and even the desires of my heart…they are sieved. i’m either going to be acting very much not like myself, or, very much like myself the way god intended me to be, i don’t know. these next few days are going to be very interesting as i keep surprising myself. 

"And he believed the LORD, and he counted it to him as righteousness." -Genesis 15:6

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